So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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