You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
last night I used snow as a chaser
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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