I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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