So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
