apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
