thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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