I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh god the rape fog is back!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
