Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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