listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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