I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
