so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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