I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
