my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
