you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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