She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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