I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
