everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
