my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
