My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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