the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
