thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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