Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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