Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
