Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
