are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
