my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
