Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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