I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
