Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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