Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
