dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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