And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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