Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
