I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
be right there i have to get my cape
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
