Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
