Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
