She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
