In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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