my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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