I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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