he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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