Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
