I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
