He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
