Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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