R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
