I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
