You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
