dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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