i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
