this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
