Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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