Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize