well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
