im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
