i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
