How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
