Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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