Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you have feelings for this penis?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
