dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
