Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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