once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
