Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
