I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
