i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
