I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
