she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
