We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
