I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
