So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
