you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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