trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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