Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
