NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
