Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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