Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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