If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
